He wanna owe me!

It's the silence now of that life where no thing new happen to me, I'm just hiding behind my window and look at the sunny hard day to remember something sweet, and through all that messy ideas, you are trying to do something, whispering in my ears with the sweetest words but without any promise! How much you are smart and talented man! But I still do not know if it's your new trick or?!
Even though, I am happy with everything happening and my steps go on so fast in your way as I know you before, exactly like magic.
But in same time there is something tells me that it's not a joke and you are real, I wanna believe it but also I still confused and think so much being so hesitated in my crazy ideas.
But I know it's just a craziness especially you are so clear in front of me and that what I like because it became so rare, I just need some steps from you to be more relaxed and I am sure that after that everything will be well.
I like your strength when you wanna possess me, my feelings, my ideas and even my dreams but I do not understand why you wanna do all that, maybe it your being man pride?!
I am afraid if it's about just challenges and a desire of the victory then it is not my life because I wanna build it and need someone helps me to do that.
But your desire to owe me makes me feel that I wanna go to it so easy without thinking although I'm stubborn girl, maybe you are my faith whom I waited all my life for!

It makes me feel as a little pet child or as a beautiful female wanna be spoiled so much by you or as just so little nothing in front of all that being great, I did not see my dream in reality before, I did not see such that toughness and manliness before, I wanna just only hug you and be inside these arms all lifetime, I do not wanna be anything in that life, I want only to be yours and live only behind you like the a cat beside a heater in winter, I do not wanna be ambitious anymore because, now, you are my enough ambitions !

Two Cups Of Tea

It's the morning while I think of you so lovely and smile like silly hmmm , it will be nice day as you and I wanna be ready for all my days and open my arms so widely for love. And now it's my cup of tea role after I have my breakfast but you are not here so, I can see your face while this water boiling as love ideas boil also in my mind.
I am inviting you today in my imagination to my warm table, do not loose it! My tea cup can not go away from me as you and I can make for you another charming one!
My tea is not turkish nor egyptian, it's somehow in between the  two cultures, my tea is so special, so clear like my mind now in that morning happy mood and I know, you do not need so much sugar but I always take three spoons like any little child :)
With you, and with this nice wind that came from far slow winter tells me that our winter is carrying all wishes of love to us so I can kiss my cup and send you a smile in the air, I am sure you can catch it because I know you love it so much as my eyes!
Drink my tea so slowly, I do not wanna this warm meeting finish early and try to taste my red tea so well, feel every drop of it inside you so slowly and make you forgot all cold world around!
Just look at my smile and my shy eyes, my looks to you are escaping every minute but you are smart enough to catch them!
I will wait you every morning in same table, do not forget my tea!

Who I am!

Though I do not like to answer this question but I wanna explain it here in my blog because it's mine and I feel so free far from men lies' :) , their liar compliments and their interfered stupid question!

Well, now while I listen to " Alexandria " music for Omar Khairt I feel how much it's soft  and innocent as I am,

!It makes my soul dance  inside like Alexandria waves which move also in Omar Khairt musics

  !I am part of those soft music, where I live there many ages and centuries ago

 I live in Layla Murad songs like same silly classic girl listens to "Albi dalily "when awesome strong guy tells her just two sweet words!

   I set there in that old tram which distinguishes Alexandria so well, it's so old like same me and go so slow

sometimes without anyone feels and suddenly so stray like my dreams!

  I am  sometimes so lost an andalusian girl became so tired from searching for the old rusted  key of her old grandfather house so far there! Also  you can find me in that train travelling everywhere like confused worried weird stranger and feel homesick easy that's why I can recognize strangers accents' so fast! I am sometimes clear and sometimes  hazy like clouds but I am proud like so old tree still standing there in spite  of all ignorants around!  

 I am perfidious and deep like sea but I can keep your secrets like it's  angry waves,  so mysterious, depressed and ! long like winter nights! I had slept manytimes so cold on Charles dickens books!I am so aggressive like thunder and so awful like lightning! I am so natural and bright like spring roses colors' and tough like fall, I am the nature, I am the sea, I am free like wind but conservative!

I lived within all limits between all cultures and traditions that's why I know well that we are all same human everywhere! I am all countries, I am all languages, I am lonely, and so social, I am the quiet and the craziness!

I am the challenges and the giving up in my cold days ! I am hurted  from most of my friends but also I am part of all what I had seen!

I am part of all that world, I came from everywhere, maybe I am far island where did you visit before in your dreams but you wont live there so much because you wont know all it's places or it's critic point

You are the moon...I'm the sun!

I wonder how everything between us became so dead like that but in same time I wont blame on you cause it's already dead! Both of us can not meet. It's like my depression in autumn or my pains when I see the rains on my window while I was in teens, then I felt how much it's cold like your words, upset like my old poems, lonely like my times in train and liar like your eyes!
It makes me new stranger who can not recognize the new world or those new faces, I'm stranger inside but new, so complex but more passionate and sensitive.
I can see it when I drink cup of tea in the quiet while I can see the lights so far and small like stars in the summer nights, it was our nights, our place and our talk while none can see or hear while we were only can hear ourselves, smell the salts coming from the quiet lake where you know very well!
It was magic, it plays with our emotions and feelings like me when I ride that white horse in my imaginations searching for my freedom in a world forgot once that I'm woman!
I always miss that horse in my dreams, you know how much I feel he is so light and fast, it like wind or an idea comes in seconds to me and you in same time, so clear, so fast but so magic and deep!
This horse makes me fly and be in another stage from like, maybe it's not life or maybe it's before death but I'm sure it's not happening with others because it can make fly in the air, it makes my wrapped self go and fly with birds, yes I can fly now while I can see it in my imagination and my hair can escape there with me, do you know how many times I was flying there?!
It's the same times as much as I go to the sea at night, and set on it's rocks, did you see how they are mixed with the green algaes?! You know that it makes me worry to slide down that's why I need your hands now to hold me tight, and just be silent as me, listen to these waves, it can take us to different places, we can travel now, maybe to Greece or maybe to Italy, I can see the other side from here, I can smell their old trawls in their poor boats, maybe it's not same our time, I think they came from the 19th century because I can see the fisher wife waiting with at her simple house with her children, their stomach are empty and their house is cold but they set together in one place beside the warm heater cause it rains out there, also his wife suddenly feels her husband coming back and she go outside in that weather and try to wave for him but he still so far can not sea anything but he want to come back so fast and feel warm in her arms, while she goes again to her little little babies so disappointed like my waiting to you! I am sure that all these happen so far there while we are setting here looking at these black waves in the deep fear of sea darkness and the dark sky as well then we can wish if we can see the pure sky of lazy summer come again!

Love this sea as much as you love me, it's so great, mysterious, dark, awful but faithful and magic, it can keep our secrets so away from those fake faces, he knows everything about us and he will permit to me to dip myself so long time with long breath then I can hold your hands again, I can touch these waves which took my hair and make it slides so freely in this dark night, I can remember now when my old grandfather told me swim in sea if u want to your hair to be longer, I want to go with those waves not to come back as much as I want to fly on my white horse in nowhere!
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So, do we know eachother well! Did we meet before?! Maybe in an old street where I went once in my dreams searching for a book which complained from the time but still keep it's yellow pages well.
I know your face as you know me and as much as you are gonna own me so deeply with this diplomatic smile, does it fake one?! Or it's real! But you know, I no longer believe in my dreams anymore as before, honey! So I'm trying not to run after all those emotions though it slides so free also like my hair in that waves, just without any plans, it comes suddenly like my stray ideas and go because of my desire to be wise girl as I am always trying to be not to show myself or my feelings because as you know it can not be like our perfect dreams...But also I am still there with my white horse whom you are not owing yet, do you think, you can owe ?? Do you think our ways can be met in one point? Do you think I can run once to your arms and just escape from everything behind, darling?!
I want it so much now but you know me I am always afraid from my faith and wondering, can we feel that fair in that life?! Can we make that equalization ?! Can you leave your nights, hero and come to my day?!I can lighten your day with rays! Just leave these stars there away, it reminds me with my silly dreams, I need reality now. Or you are only my night hero?! Are you real or like my favourite classic stories?!I just do not want you to stay alone within these nights? Visit me, touch my cold hands, give me feeling of safety, and do not care my arms tremblings' , You can be my moon...I can be your sun! :)

My Life Is An Open Book 2

 It was not very big surprise when Israa found a new partner for the room who was knocking !

“Good Evening”  Noha said .

“Good Evening”  Israa answered .

“ Sorry, I came late but it was because of my train time , it took off from Cairo at seven o’clock pm instaed of six , is this room no 17 ? “ Noha asked .

“ Never Mind  , yes it is , here you are , are you the new partner ? “ Israa asked so curiously …

” Yes I am “ , she answered while she was coming in .

Noha is a beautiful open minded girl but looked like so tired especially she took the french train which is not very fast and took four hours and half instead of only three hours , she started to arrange her clothes in her cupboard.

In this time , Israa started to be sleepy holding her old story and the 1^st night passed so quiet without one word !

It is not strange when 1^st night passes like that as Noha is very quiet person and she is not who talks with somebody so much if she just have seen him , especially her 1^st love lives in Cairo and she will miss him so much next weeks

Some days passed and the two girls used on life in same room and Israa can make any one trust her so fast that’s why they were eating together and talking about college and study.

The two had same common hobbies nearly and the two like same songs. J

But this does not mean Noha tell her about her Bf as she is very wary , when Amr calls her she runs to the hall to talk with him , so Israa was very curios enough to know what happening to that aware little girl.

As usual Noha finished call and went to her bed again but her mobile did not stop screaming  because of so much fast messeges .

Can you imagine how much girls are so jealous from eachother especially if Israa is very normal girl does not have any experience about relationships but Noha is a little beautiful girl and she is being loved.

“ I sware , you are falling in love :D ?! “ Israa wondered very insisting and laughing while she was hurring up towards Noha ‘s bed.

Noha can not run away now , yeah who can run away from Israa Said !! ;)

My Life Is An Open Book 1

Israa Said is twenty two years old . She lives in Cairo in a very folk place where you can smell the origin of things and people are acting so simple because they are always together in happiness and sadness !!

Israa now is in the final year of her college and she is preparing her bags to travel as her college is not in same city , it’s in the start of Upper Egypt , El-Minia.

Although her mother did not want her to join this college not to travel and suffer alone especially Israa does not have any sisters and her mother needs her so much because they are very close friends.

If you watch them together , you will feel they look like lovers not only mom and her daughter and you will find the mother sings for her daughter as she still baby J, actually , it’s very wonderful relationship !! J

And this day is very different for the two because it’s the final year and Israa will not travel again and she will come back very soon with her certificate to be an engineer and the mother will be proud of her little girl .

After everything was ready , the mother insisted to take her daughter till the train station as usual J and to tell her bye bye !!

Israa is setting always on the 1^st class cart and in a single chair , it’s very important because her father is very jealous and he can not bear any boy may talk with his daughter.

After Israa had arrived her room in that new building of The Universal City For Girls , she started to greet her friends and joke together about last summer, who was engaged , who was not, who was graduated and who worked…etc, you know how girls are chattering together. :D

And in end of day while Israa was lying on her bed reading one story of Charles Dikenz stories which she used to read , she heard knocking on the door !!

  

Gossip Girls

Yes "Gossip Girls" , really that's my 1st note with that name ! I know it's strange but if you don't know the meaning , it means those who talk too much . :S

Anyway, as you know I have a little about turkish culture and I know little too about their language but I am not bad :) , so I had found very good job in a turk. co and I think it was good !!

Maybe now you want to ask me why I say " I think " !. Well , it is very logical question because when I started in this job I was thinking I finally passed my 1st exam in life to have excellent chance in a respected company but actually I found I was completely wrong ...Ohh sorry my best persons of my life , I was nearly wrong !

Sorry I forgot the most important thing , " Gossip " , yeah , you know how much I hate this word ?! Really I hate it so much because it reminds me with some things I don't like in that company, exactly some secular turkish girls I have met where I was working there.

 I did not say I hate them because I have many of turkish girlfriends and most of people who know me say I am open minded and I am ready to accept others thoughts.

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S.O is one of those girls. We can say about her " Secular " or not , really I am not sure !! but what I know she knows so much about religion , she was learning in islamic college and many times when I saw her listening to Samy Yousuf .

But why all theses contradictions , I can't understand ! I saw in her character a lot of things incompatible with her principles .

In my opinion, if you claim you are modern so you should do like same you wear , say and act. I know what you are thinking now, you want to tell me we are human and we are not angels, but really I am confused because all time I was finding people are doing against principles which were presenting where I grew up :(

After some weeks from  my working start I was setting in the reception hall of company with some other girls , every body were talking and laughing because it 's the break and while every body are integrated, Miss Proud or S.O as her name is , came !! but how Miss Proud leave us alone !! how !!!! we are just veiled girls , those like her think that the veiled girl do not know anything about anything , she does not know maybe one of us at least have one foreign language and our level of education is very high more than hers especially her education is so simple to her position and in same time they say they are advanced people !!!

Now in Egypt you find us at least know one language because our girls are very ambitious and they aspire to high positions in all fields.  But for sorry Miss Proud does not recognize it ! she is only thinking that if we will take off our scarves then we will be advanced !!

Anyway I do not like to make you sick :) ,when Miss Proud came with her friend , she interrupted us suddenly and said " ohhh really gossip girls , you are talking talking all times , do not set here , if you want to set, you have meeting room , you have engineers rooms and you can set there. " ( she did not know a bout that ugly old woman K.H  who thinks herself still in twenty's with her little teenagers bag , that woman spends her times in meeting room all time as she has it :@ and if you try to set there for work she will scream like frog to your face arrogantly with her incomprehensible language and fake smile , "by the way she did like same with me before!")

While Miss Proud was talking and chattering I thought " Are we setting on her head !!, or we talking inside her earns !! ?"," Is not is our break time ?! or should we work in break times too ?! " or we are setting in class and we must put our hands on our mouthes like children ! haaa ,I admired.

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 Later after some days I found Miss Proud talking so much with her friend and they looked like talking about some one , they were very happy with that talk .

I wondered is she normal girl like us?!, maybe she is chattering more than us and by the worst way !! , it was my irony from her then I wished I can box her face and tell her " Hey ,,, you are not genius as you think and we are distinguished more than you , you are poor girl needs to git red of her illusions because we are not stupid like you ! "

Actually I pity for myself because I should spirit for myself and not to be coward , we all should have high voice and scream to express ourselves anywhere and in front of any body.

But I could not make this because I am only an egyptian veiled girl in unfair world …

Note : It's only my writings and not condition to be real :):)

Please tell your real opinion , I will not be sad :)

Noura Abdelghaffar

29.11.2010